Share the Land & Pizza Equally

Note from Cletis: In an effort to improve the historical awareness of our readers, we will periodically publish little known but vitally important personal information concerning the men and women who have shaped our lives. We have meticulously researched our findings but use of this information is not recommended for your dissertation in that our source material was recently destroyed in a fire.     

    

In life Karl Marx, founder of modern day communism, was known as "The Mooch" by those who knew him well. He actually conceived The Communist Manifesto when a fist fight erupted after Marx snatched the last slice of pizza from Friedrich Engels while Engels went to answer the door. Engels' wife did not appreciate it as Karl had been staying with them for three years and had never contributed a penny to the household.

After the fight, and nursing a fat lip, Marx stomped off to his room and sulked for three days. When he emerged, he had his justification. "From each according to his ability to each according to his need." After reading the Manifesto, Mrs. Engels went to the kitchen and made a large pizza which was shared equally. Little did anyone dream that one day an impressionable, young Russian named Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov (Lenin) would read far more into the Manifesto than Karl had intended.

Editor's Note: Marx was known for his incomparable ability to hide food under his clothing while still appearing to be concerned with weighty, intellectual matters. "I can take no credit for this gift," Marx is said to have remarked. This statement and Marx's denial of the existence of God have led to bitter debate among historians as to the meaning of this comment.

T A E ... Will Definitely Light You Up

In our ongoing effort to improve the historical awareness of our readers, we will periodically publish little known but vitally important personal information concerning the men and women who have shaped our lives.

We have meticulously researched our findings but use of this information is not recommended for your dissertation in that our source material was recently destroyed in a fire.

Our subject today is American icon, Thomas Alva Edison. For years Edison was dogged by rumors of his uninspiring, early life which persisted until his death in 1931. We are delighted to shed new light on this controversial subject.

Tae 

    

Thomas Alva Edison, known simply as, *Tae*, by his homeboys, surprised everyone with his success as The Wizard of Menlo Park. Documents unearthed by us show clearly young Thomas was running a bookmaking operation out of the backroom of the telegraph office in Louisville, Kentucky where he was working for Western Union.

In a letter dated June 27th, 1866 from one Karl *Keystroke* Wilson to his girlfriend, Thelma *Thunder Thighs* Johnston we learn although Edison was only nineteen at the time he was already established as a man of consequence. In Keystroke's own words, we get a fresh look at the man who brought *lights, camera, action* to the world.

"...girl, I know you're thinking about welching on that bet you lost last week at the track and leaving town, but I would advise against it. It's not my place to tell you what to do, but if you play with Tae you've got to pay. Did you really think I lost my pinky fingers in a farm accident?

By the way, Thelma, I told you no horse named *Dainty Feet* is gonna run well in the mud. What in the hell were you smoking?"

For additional corroboration we turn to an interview given in 1938, seven years after Edison's death, to the publication, Watt Did You Say. A now aged Keystroke Wilson further elaborated on Edison's wayward youth and settled the long raging debate over the origin of Edison's deafness in one ear.

"Hell, it weren't no Scarlet Fever and it weren't caused by no conductor pulling on Tae's ears. Some crap went down over a missed payment and Peanut Anderson went up side Tae's head with a ball bat.

Took Tae a couple of weeks to recover but a little while later he got even. Hell, Tae even showed up for Peanut's funeral. He was like that you know.

Not long after that Tae came up with some kind of  machine he was working on to streamline his bookmaking operation. I heard later he modified it into something to do with stocks.

After that, Tae didn't come back around our way anymore. Hell, I don't blame him. Weren't nothing going on around there."

     

Note from Cletis: Regarding the photo above: Consider Edison's hand slipped demurely into his coat pocket. Is this simply an affectation or an example of "old habits die hard"? You decide; we have our opinion ...