Acceptance by CJ Montez

   I was born in Albuquerque, New Mexico of Spanish descent. My family did not come to America through Mexico. There was no America and no Mexico when they arrived. I speak Spanish but it is an archaic form of Castilian Spanish. I am steeped in a culture rich in the traditions of the Spaniards who were my ancestors and the Native Americans who lived and worked with them.

   I studied Spanish and Chicano politics at the University of New Mexico and have taught school all of my adult life. I have traveled extensively and studied in Spain and in Mexico. Therein lies my complicated response to Governor Mike Pence and his three dismissive words ... That Mexican Thing.

   The Mexican people are truly some of the warmest people in the world. They are proud – kind, accepting, and generous. They are fiercely patriotic and live a life rich in tradition, family, and love. The community ... lo bueno de la gente ... share and share alike ... matters above all. I made many dear friends in my time in Mexico ... people I still communicate with and embrace as family.

   I love Mexico but it was in Spain where I found myself ... a connection so vital to the understanding of what I am that I’ve returned time and time again ... the music, the food, the language, the people, the architecture, the land ... to all of these things I feel an intimate connection. I was accepted. No assumptions were made about my heritage or my language. I was welcome ... period.

   More than anything it is a desire for that acceptance that drives me to write this commentary. I am an American citizen born and raised in my beloved New Mexico. Sadly, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t struggle for acceptance. Native Americans revile me if I claim my Spanish heritage. And, although I derive great joy from my job as a teacher, there are those in the Mexican community who look down on me because they believe I am Mexican and that I choose to deny my people.

   The truth is I have denied who I am for much of my life. My surname is Spanish and often misspelled. Few people care. I adore my students and have been instrumental in their successes and those of their families. Few people care. There is a box marked Mexican where I have been placed by a society determined to keep me there. I have self-identified as a Latina, a Mexican American, and as Hispanic when truly I desire to just be me ... an American proud of my great nation and of my rich Spanish ancestry.

   Tuesday evening I was shaken by Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence's lack of understanding and empathy. Friends I’ve known for years failed to note that an entire country and its people had been summarily dismissed as inferior – discarded and shoved aside as expendable. In my twenty-two years of teaching, it never occurred to me to dismiss the language, customs, and traditions of my students and their families.

   I lashed out at the media for its insensitivity. I lashed out at Pence for his ignorance. Many responded positively. Then, I realized something. The people responding to my comments reflexively saw me as Mexican American. I would be honored to be counted among those proud first, second, or tenth generation Mexican Americans but I am not Mexican nor am I Mexican American.

   Every year I’m sent messages of celebration on Mexican Independence Day. I am asked repeatedly how I will be celebrating Cinco de Mayo. My students cannot understand why I don’t decorate my classroom for Dia de Los Muertos. Those are all fine holidays celebrated in many communities across Albuquerque. I enthusiastically join in when I’m invited. However, these celebrations are not part of my heritage.

   I am repeatedly asked by society to deny the core of who I am ... to embrace society’s notion of who I am. I'm required to check a box on survey after survey and choose to be someone I’m not.

   I'm a good person. I care about all people. I worry as this election goes forward about how the people in the community I serve are treated. It matters that the quality of their lives be improved and that they participate fully in the comprehensive and all-encompassing society we strive to build.

   It is the overarching disdain and complete disregard Pence, Trump, and the Republican Party have for those they deem unworthy that sickens me. Thirty years of racist dog whistles ... years of manipulating laws and redrawing boundaries to suit the wealthy ... thirty years of eating away at the voting rights of non-whites in America has eroded our democracy and furthered the racial and economic divide.

   I’m heartsick and I fear for our country should Donald Trump become president. Still, in spite of this rising tide of hatred, I trust in the essential goodness of others. I have faith in a universe that has love in abundance. We need only stop looking at each other with narrow eyes and look with open hearts.