With Gusto

Few people get through life without saying something embarrassing. I've done my share but the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done did not involve saying a word. Although I did, in a manner of speaking, make myself heard.

For a few years, I taught at a middle school conveniently across the street from a very busy McDonald’s. Most mornings I stopped in, ordered coffee and an Egg McMuffin, and settled down with the sports page of the Washington Post. It became routine and like most routines it became comfortable. Sometimes, that’s not a good thing.

Hot coffee, an Egg McMuffin, and the early morning light of a beautiful October day throwing leaf patterns across the room distorted my sense of place. I forgot where I was and being male ... think active gastrointestinal system ... and being ... I believed alone in the world … well, who would have thought a run of the mill McDonald’s would have acoustics rivaling Carnegie Hall?

The tone of the room altered and like Dorothy I realized I was no longer in Kansas. I slowly lowered my paper and was greeted by at least a hundred people ... frozen in mid bite ... staring in my direction. There was nothing to do but raise the newspaper, wait as long as I could, and slip out the side door.

The next morning I skipped breakfast and went straight to school. On my desk ... just the way I like it ... was a cup of McDonald’s coffee with two creamers and two packs of sugar. No one ever claimed responsibility.